|graphic from CNN.com|
But that's not the point. Romney won. No one is shocked. Ron Paul came in second, mainly because he reminds everyone of their kooky grandpa who wants to legalize heroin. But what I'm really excited about is that my favorite, evangelical bigot came in next to last.
Yep, Rick Santorum was all smug from his second-place finish in Iowa. He had that shit-eating grin on his face, like he just jacked-off on a gay, illegal immigrant. But now he is last only to Rick Perry, and Perry is still trying to figure out where "Old Hampshire" is, so it's really not saying much.
Now, I know what you might be saying, "Allie, New Hampshire is a more moderate-voting state, Santorum might come back in South Carolina" and to that I say, "Fuck off, let me have this!"
Listen, I hate Rick Santorum. It is an intense, fiery hatred. The fact that he is still in this race makes me more angry than a tea-party member at an interracial wedding. So any defeat, no matter how expected makes me feel better. And while I know that there's not really a chance in hell that he will win this nomination, and my disdain may be better suited towards one of the more eligible candidates. I just can't help it. Until he is out of this race, I will continue to focus on Mr. Google Problem.
So suck it, Santorum. No matter how many primaries you place in, you're top billing will always be "the dude who's name when googled means 'the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex.'"
Now enjoy this video from the Colbert Report about Santorum's racist slip of the tongue.